I fell down the stairs this summer. Actually, it was more like a carpeted ladder, and I more flew than fell. I was just waking up from a powerful dream where I was pulled into the time of Julius Ceasar. I wanted to creep downstairs (downladder) and steal a few morning moments of writing in peace before my son and husband woke up. Before all the bustle and holidaying would sweep me away from the memory of this powerful dream.
So if you have walked into a bookstore lately, you probably have seen the **awesome!! happy clap!** display of adult colouring books. Yes, that is right! Permission to colour!!
I spent many hours this summer swooning over the pages of the mandala colouring book I have. Besides being super fun, it struck me that there is so much more going on when we put pen to paper. It is the essence of creation.
Brené Brown is just friggen awesome. Every single time I watch this video I get chills. There is just no substitute for brilliance like this.
“Shame drives two big tapes: “Never good enough”; and if you can talk it out of that one, “Who do you think you are?” – Brené Brown
Shame is, as Brené says, a statement that says “I am bad”. It is different from guilt which is a break in our own moral rules, which says “I have done something bad.”
Well. That’s it. There is nothing more to be done. The exam is finished and handed in. The letters have been sent. The ads posted. The request made and made again. Every angle has been tried. Every detail checked.
It is done.
It is time to let go.
Surrender is the hardest when we have the most at stake. Our loved ones, our financial stability, our art, our careers, our purpose. It would seem that we would not ever want to slide sideways into the vulnerable unknown when it comes to these important and dear ones.
The mind says “Let’s control our way out of vulnerability!”
Except that doesn’t always work. Especially when we need to wait for results, or wait for the call, or wait for the response, or wait for payday.
We are flung into the barren void.
Ouch. It feels terrible here. Living in unknownland.
So what can we reasonably do?
The only thing that has ever reliably worked for me is this:
First, surrender attachments. Acknowledge that there is more in play here than just you. There are pieces and people that need to move into place first. You don’t even know what needs to shift first. It is not your work to orchestrate it all. You can’t make it go faster. All you can do is acknowledge that your part is done. All you can do is let go of “how it is all supposed to turn out”.
Once you let go of the wishing for it to be different rather than the way it is, you release the pressure. You begin to free up energy. There is more space.
It is the way it is.
Let everything else go.
Let go of labels. Let go of the outcome. Let go of calling it a good or bad experience. Let go completely.
This is different from giving up. Hugely different! Letting go is the deep acknowledgment that forces beyond you are at work on your behalf. Giving up is about losing faith and abandoning what you want in a misguided attempt to minimize pain. Letting go is expansive. Giving up is contractive. Letting go helps you; giving up does not.
When you let go, you are really just handing it over to the Universe. You can make this easier by thinking of a spirit, being, God, Goddess, or passed over loved one, someone who really is in your corner standing in front of you right now. Maybe they even have their hands on your shoulders or they are giving you a hug. They tell you, “Leave it with me.”
Let them take whatever is worrying you. It is their turn to do their job. You trust and believe in them to give you a clear signal of when they are done. You will get a strong impulse to act only when it is your turn.
Everything else is well handled.
Listen very closely to your guidance system. Follow your intuitive hunches and instincts for the next three days. Watch and be amazed.
Let me know how this works for you!
March has been a turbo, jetpack of a month for me. The creative ideas have been coming fast and furious and I have willingly surrendered to the amazingness. YogaReiki (now a thing), meditation courses based on my book material, a new practitioner space, book writing, blogging, essential oil meditation, teaching Reiki. It is a really cool space to be, the the centre of my vortex of goodness.
Not a ‘fear’ scary, but a sense of being on what Abraham calls the ‘raw and ragged edge’ of expansion. I really don’t know what is around the bend. I cannot possibly see what is in store for me. I get the sense that it is BIG. Amazing. Phenomenal. I feel it.
It is like the feeling of gravity. The subtle acknowledgement of the pull of the moon on the ocean. Swooping the tide, massively, from shore to shore.
It feels exposing. Real. Honest. Like the fresh air truth brings. But deeper into the heart. Like a soul-filling song, sung from the inside. From the heart.
Part of me is timid. That part wants to know and predict and have guarantees. But mostly, I just want to throw my arms wide and rush in, heart first.
Getting to this point, being able to tell the difference between true fear and the vulnerable edge of growth, has taken me almost 20 years of personal and spiritual work. It is a process. I am in progress.
Now I know the difference. True fear leads you away from actual danger. You know in your heart something is not right, but you stay (or go) anyway. Usually just to be polite. That is fear.
Vulnerability pops up when you are moving out of your comfort zone, towards a life expanding and enhancing experience. You know in your heart, it is right for you. It is a magnetic, resonant pull. Vulnerability is good. It means you are growing. Doing what you mean to, not what you should.
That nervous feeling can be breathed through. Just like a contraction. It rolls on through, right over top of you, and on the other side is courage. The arms flung wide in victory moment you are fearing will never come.
Move toward your vulnerability. Arms open. It is the best way to receive.
Yeah. So. Vulnerability sucks. (Can I get an amen!?)
It is the rough and tattered edge of what we previously thought was possible for ourselves. It would be easier to be comfortable with the status quo.
“Don’t ever change anything!”, shouts our ego.
But if we enjoy breathing, change we must. Either way, life will continue to push all our buttons and shake everything loose and upside down.
Brené Brown is a vulnerability and shame researcher. This TED talk is an amazing explanation of the importance of vulnerability in our lives and how we connect to other human beings.
From a Reiki perspective, disarming the shame beast is a crucial process in self-healing. Once we are able to truly love ourselves, our ability to uplift others increases exponentially. Ultimately we need to live the example of happiness we wish for others.